apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
