I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't deserve a penis
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
