you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
