she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think I sprained my soul last night
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
