So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
