i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
