is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
