he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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