Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
