So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
