I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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