do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
