Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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