Where is the hickey?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
