Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
