I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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