i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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