sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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