Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
