I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
