On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
