I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
