Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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