4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
