my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Randomize
