i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
