I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
