jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
