The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
