So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
