woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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