Ambien. No doubt about it.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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