I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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