Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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