I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
