I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize