It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
