I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize