HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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