I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
