you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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