Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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