god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
