tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
