When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
