I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
