Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
