She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
