I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
