I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
