new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
