Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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