Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize