i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
