she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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