I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
