I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
