i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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