my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
