My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
