Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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