You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
