i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
