he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize