Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
