you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
